As I lay my head down to sleep, it is more than my skull and physical vessel of exhaustion I have brought to my pillow tonight.
I have also brought emotional fear, mental trauma, and that of others along with me.
I carry in the pain, struggle, and brokenness of the world around me.
I present the resentment, anger, frustration, and confusion of your children.
I cast the identity, representation, and advancement of your Kingdom through the church at Your feet.
As I lay my head down to sleep, it is more than previously molded clay and dirt smeared into flesh that I have brought to my pillow tonight.
I also scatter the broken pieces that I have not let you mend, admitting that one of the pieces you left will miss the identity that was formed from what remains.
I confess that my preferences and priorities have been contrary to the purpose and plan that you have for my life, and I admit that I have not pursued this plan because I believe that the fabrication of a false reality is indeed more comforting than the unknown.
(Tonight, I admit I do not know how to find You but that will not stop my pursuit.)
As I lay my head down to sleep, it is more than the occurrences of the past 24 hours that I have brought to my pillow tonight.
I have also brought the ache in my mothers’ heart, the denial and wandering nature of my siblings, and the hidden fears of my father.
I remind you tonight of the prayers that were prayed by those who came before me, I remind you of the Words that you have spoken over my life.
As I lay my head down to sleep, I realize that the weariness and content are too far great to contain for one night, so I leave the deposit of tears and await the promised joy in the morning.
March 15, 2023